Some days are just harder than others. They can start out great, but then something happens…and, well, you know. We all have those days. Why is it so easy to let Satan steal our joy? Because, let’s be honest, we LET him. It’s our choice to continuously be joyful in the Lord. And not only is it our choice, we are commanded to do so. It is frustrating to me that I am so quickly turned against joy and turned to fear, anger, mistrust, self-doubt, worthlessness…the list goes on and on. It is so easy to focus on the negative and so hard to focus on the positive.
The fault is my own. Regardless of the situation, the circumstances that caused my day to turn so abruptly…when it comes down to it, I make the choice to respond in the manner in which I do. And today, I chose to respond poorly. I gave in to self-pity and self-doubt. ”Woe is me” seemed like an easier route to take. And Satan said, “You are right.” That’s all he had to say. I was already on board with the pity party.
I’m frustrated because I know better. I’m frustrated because I’ve gone through enough crap in life to understand that crap happens in life and things don’t always work out the way I want them to. Most of the time, it’s usually for my good, anyway, and I come out on the other side a better, stronger, more loving, generous and gracious person. God has never failed me and I know He won’t fail me in today. So, I am finding humility in accepting that I failed and admitting I need God’s grace more than ever right now. And, to be honest, I need His grace more than ever in this season of life. It hasn’t been easy and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s there, but I’m pretty stuck in the muck of the cave at this point.
“O most blessed Grace, that makes the poor in spirit rich in virtues, and makes the wealthy humble of heart! Come, descend upon me, fill me with your comfort, lest my soul faint from weariness and dryness of mind. I beseech You, O Lord, that I may find grace in your sight (Gn 18:3), for your grace is sufficient for me (2 Co 12:9) even if I never obtain anything which my nature desires. If I am tempted and tried I will fear no evil as long as Your grace is with me. Your grace is my strength, my counsel and my help. She is more powerful than all my enemies and wiser than all the wise. She is the mistress of truth, the teacher of discipline: the light of the heart, the comforter in affliction. She banishes sorrow, expels fears, nurses devotion, produces tears of repentance. What am I without her but a piece of dry timber or a withered stump, fit for nothing but to be cast into the fire (Jn 15:6).
Grant therefore, O Lord, that Your grace will always go before me and follow men, keeping me ever intent upon good works, through Jesus Christ Your Son. Amen.” ~ Thomas a Kempis, (Imitation of Christ, Book II, Chapter 55)